- Listen. When meeting with a client, it is more important to listen than to fill the space asking questions. More than likely they will answer the questions you would ask anyway in natural conversation. If you are doing most of the talking, you won't be able to sense how they feel, after all, the meeting serves for you both to become more acquainted with each other and for you to learn how you can be of service to her during a very vulnerable but beautiful process of her life.
- Be present for the meeting. This seems like an obvious one, but you would be surprised how many mothers-to-be have brought up the fact that a potential doula's use of technology (texting, etc.) changed their mind about hiring said doula. If you aren't present during the meeting, how can they expect you to be fully present during birth?
- Ask key questions. Asking key questions works to facilitate conversation. Remember, even though some things seem obvious, it is better to ask and talk about them so everyone is on the same page. It is better than being blindsided during labor! A few questions I return to are:
Who are you delivering with and what is your estimated due date?
How do you envision your birth?
What are you most afraid of in terms of your birth?
How do you feel about interventions, and how strong are those feelings?
When you are feeling sick/anxious/tired what helps you feel better?
What are your pet peeves?
What do you think I can do to help you have your best birth?
- And remember, these questions are points of conversation. Sometimes moms are still figuring out exactly what their hopes and wishes are for labor and birth. Some moms work out the details of their birth best by talking through different options with their doula and partner.
- Include her partner. When asking questions, it is really important to include her partner in on the conversation since they will be able to offer a different perspective. Remember, a father's fears during labor can transfer to the mother, so it is vital to understand what everyone's fears and hopes are for their baby's entrance to the world.
I hope this helps other doulas work out their client meeting process! I find that it works well for me to have two meetings prior to birth. One to get to know one another and become familiar with their birth hopes and another to talk more specific comfort measures and how her partner and I can be of service throughout the different stages of labor. If this first meeting is also serving as an informal interview, I find it handy to keep a copy of my birth agreement tucked away so that if they ask for details on fees and services they are able to see exactly what I am able to provide for them, and sometimes if you're lucky they want to sign right away to block off the space in your calendar!
